Saturday Morning

Trip hop 4 Da Soul ~~

Just how people wanna try acid I wanna try sex with asap.

Two white cups full of codeine, plus I got two white sluts down to blow me

Michigan

Currently in Michigan. I'm kinda of scared to view the body tomorrow. My mom hasn't cried yet and neither have I. I have no idea what's going to happen when im surrounded by hundreds of fellow grievers and a corpse. This is definitely not something I'm used to and this is definitely the most confused i've ever felt.

I've been watching old 'So Weird' episodes on youtube (before they get deleted). Reminiscing on my childhood. WHAT HAPPENED TO DISNEY

Kids

I'm actually losing weight. This is the happiest I've been in awhile. I can proudly say that I now weigh 110 pounds. Yaay, im getting closer to my 105 goal

This weekend was great but makes me question, are things better then they've ever been? I'll give it a week and then no more. Either way, the man always wins.

Ab-Soul - Pineal Gland & Terrorist Threats

Please don't tell my momma this ain't marijuana




Feelin' optimistic. Hip-hop, you can only grow from here.

Dream #2

I had a dream I was driving in the woods and someone in an easter bunny costume was following me on a bike he jumped of the bike and directly in front of my car. I slammed on brakes, he dived in the ditch, disappeared into the woods, and I ran down the endless wooded road.

I often lie to myself. I need clarity. So this is good me being in a different environment (ccs) it gives me time to understand more of the person I am. because right now, im really not so sure. I'm in a place so foreign to what I've ever known. Not referring to the school but myself. I don't feel the same. I just feel like I'd feel a lot better if I could identify the emotions and ideas i've been experiencing lately with something..something familiar I guess.

I think im a lot more sensitive then I let people believe

The Dead Weather - Are Friends Electric?

I'm so beyond the point of sadness

Tune-Yards - Real Live Flesh (official video)

Daniel Johnston - Some Things Last A Long Time

Nostalgia

Last Fall:

Scents: Wild Scarlet perfume, Marlboro Reds & Newports, Sarah's house

Music Artist:
Tyler, the Creator
Kreayshawn
Broadcast
Beach House

Albums/Mixtapes
Dinosaur
Goblin
Bastard
Kittys x Choppas
Work and Non Work
Desertshore

Songs:
Color Me In - Broadcast
VCR - Tyler, the Creator
Blow - Tyler, the Creator
Come On Let's Go - Broadcast
I'll Follow Rivers - Lykke Li (Tyler, the Creator Mix)
Janitor of Lunacy - Nico
The Falconer - Nico
Fuck Love - Tyler, the Creator
Analog - Tyler, the Creator
Seven - Tyler, the Creator
Parade - Tyler, the Creator

I think the fall of last year was when I first started to actually take a step back, look at my life, and think about where my life was headed. Contemplating whether or not the people that were in my life at that point in time needed to continue to be. I remember being really anxious and confused and thinking about change a lot.

I keep having really strange dreams and I'm going to start documenting them because I need to put them down on paper

Dream #1

I had a dream that I was at a carnival or something and I met this asian girl and we were talking, sharing interest, laughing..she was really cool. we were running around the carnival & being crazy and then all of a sudden she starting talking about religion and asked if I had ever heard of some type of religion with the name space in it or something (I cant quite remember) and I was like no and she started informing me about the religion and telling me that she practices it and I just kind of let her know I'm not really down with the whole religion thing nor have i found a religious niche yet and she was like here just try it out and she pulls out a needle and she kept trying to inject me with some sort of weird drug that only exists somewhere in my head and so I kept trying to move away from her and i kept telling her no i don't wanna take it but she eventually over-powered me and shot me up with her drug (which I think is what she was referring to as her 'religion') and she was like all happy and glad that she got me high and I was pissed at first and screamed at her because i didn't know wtf she put in my body but then I started to get really happy and i remember hallucinating the entire time and she introduced me to some random black guy and then we all got on more rides, laughed the tears out of our eyes and forgot about the world.

I think I had this dream due to a combination of things..

A. I'm sad and nothing but sadness has been consuming my life lately.

B. I'm missing the company of many people in my life.

C. I go to a Christian School filled with happy religious people and so I guess in the back of my mind im longing for the happiness of believing in something. It seems like a lot of people who believe in something have a hopefulness within them, happiness, no matter what the religion. It would be nice to believe in something, and I suppose that's what I'm looking for.

and in some weird twisted way all my thoughts created this happy train wreck of a dream.